What if work is where someone first realises it’s abuse?

By Saskia Lightburn-Ritchie, CEO of MyCWA (Cheshire Without Abuse) and Founder of Domestic Abuse Experts

In the last edition, I wrote about the way domestic abuse follows people into the workplace.

Through phones. Through finances. Through childcare arrangements. Through exhaustion, fear, absence, performance, confidence and safety.

But there is another reason workplaces matter. Sometimes, they are not only the place where the impact of domestic abuse becomes visible. They are the place where someone first begins to recognise what is happening to them.

One of the misconceptions about domestic abuse is that, when someone is experiencing it, they know that they are.

Very often, they do not.

They may describe it as relationship problems. As arguing. As things being difficult at home. As their partner being stressed, jealous, insecure, controlling with money, or “just having a bad time”.

They may say they need to get home by a certain time because it is “not worth the argument”. They may laugh off constant messages. They may explain away why they cannot join a work event, why they seem anxious about their phone, why they are suddenly short of money, why they are tired, distracted or not quite themselves. To assume that someone experiencing domestic abuse will use the words “domestic abuse” is to misunderstand how abuse often works.

Domestic abuse is rarely simple from the inside. It is emotional. It is confusing. It is often gradual. It can build quietly over time until the unacceptable starts to feel normal. It can be wrapped up in love, fear, hope, children, finances, housing, shame and survival. That is why awareness matters.

When an employer chooses to hold a domestic abuse awareness session, introduce a workplace policy, train managers or simply make support visible, they may be doing far more than “raising awareness”. They may be giving someone language for something they have been living with for years.

They may be helping someone recognise that what is happening is not normal, not their fault, and not something they have to manage alone.

For someone who has been gaslit, minimised, blamed or isolated, that recognition can be powerful.

It might be the first time they feel seen. The first time they understand why they feel so afraid. The first time they realise support exists. The first time they think, “Maybe this is abuse.” And sometimes, that is the beginning of safety.

This does not mean every workplace needs to become a specialist domestic abuse service. It does not mean managers need to diagnose abuse, investigate private lives or have perfect words ready for every situation.

It means creating an environment where people are more likely to recognise abuse, more likely to feel believed, and more likely to know where to go next.

That might be as simple as a poster in a staff room. A line in a wellbeing newsletter. A trained manager who responds calmly when someone discloses. A policy that makes clear support is available. A conversation that says, without judgement, “You don’t seem yourself lately. I’m here if you ever want to talk.”

Small things can open doors. And those doors matter. Because when organisations assume domestic abuse is not happening in their workforce, they risk missing the people who are quietly carrying it every day. People who may be hiding it because of shame, fear or the belief that no one will understand. People who may not yet have named it as abuse at all.

At MyCWA, through our training and consultancy arm Domestic Abuse Experts, we support organisations to take practical, meaningful steps. From awareness sessions and manager training to policy development and domestic abuse champion training, our work is designed to help teams recognise the signs, respond safely and connect people to specialist support.

We do not expect every workplace to have all the answers. But every workplace can choose to be safer, more informed and more human.

For someone experiencing abuse, that choice could make all the difference.

If your organisation would like to understand where to start, we would welcome a no-obligation conversation. Together, we can explore the practical steps you can take to support your people, strengthen your response and help create safer communities.

For more information about workplace domestic abuse training and support, visit www.domesticabuseexperts.org.uk