What happens when someone tells you?

By Saskia Lightburn-Ritchie, CEO of MyCWA (Cheshire Without Abuse)

In the July edition, I wrote about the role workplaces can play in helping someone recognise that what they are experiencing may be domestic abuse.

But recognition is only the beginning. Because eventually, someone may tell you. They might tell a manager they trust. A colleague. Someone in HR. They may disclose everything, or almost nothing. They might simply say things are difficult at home, that they are frightened of their partner, that they need some flexibility, or that somebody keeps turning up at work.

And in that moment, an organisation finds out whether its domestic abuse policy really works.

Many employers now recognise that domestic abuse is a workplace issue. More organisations have policies, wellbeing commitments and statements about supporting employees who experience abuse. That progress matters.

But having a policy and being prepared to use it are not quite the same thing. A beautifully written document cannot respond to a frightened employee. It cannot decide whether it is safe to call them at home. It cannot recognise when apparently excessive messaging from a partner may actually be monitoring or control. It cannot help a manager understand what information should remain confidential, what may need escalating, or where specialist support can be found.

People have to do that.

And unless those people have been given some understanding and confidence beforehand, we are asking them to navigate an incredibly sensitive situation for the first time, often in real time.

That is where good intentions can become difficult.

A manager might instinctively ask, “Why don’t you just leave?” They may contact the employee at a time or on a device that is being monitored. They might promise absolute confidentiality when there are safeguarding concerns that mean information needs to be shared. Or, frightened of saying the wrong thing, they might avoid the conversation altogether. None of those responses necessarily come from a lack of care. Usually, they come from a lack of preparation.

We do not expect managers to become domestic abuse specialists. Nor should employers be investigating somebody’s relationship or trying to replace professional support services.

What workplaces can do is make sure the people most likely to receive a disclosure know how to respond calmly and safely. Listen. Believe. Avoid judgement. Understand immediate risk. Know the organisation’s policy. Consider practical workplace adjustments. Know when specialist advice is needed and where to find it.

Often the most helpful first response is not complicated. It might simply be: “Thank you for telling me. What do you need from us right now?”

That conversation can then lead to practical support. Could working hours temporarily change? Does somebody need a different work location or parking arrangement? Should reception know not to allow a particular person into the building? Does an employee need flexibility to attend appointments? Is it safe to communicate with them on their usual phone or email? The right response will look different for every person because domestic abuse looks different for every person.

That is why a policy cannot simply sit in an employee handbook waiting for somebody to find it.

It has to live within the organisation.

People need to know it exists. Managers need to understand it. Employees need to know they can ask for help. And somebody needs to have thought through what the organisation would actually do if a disclosure happened tomorrow.

There is a wider cultural point here too.

Employees notice whether wellbeing commitments feel real. They notice whether managers are approachable, whether difficult conversations are handled sensitively and whether policies translate into action when somebody actually needs them. Domestic abuse support is part of that.

At MyCWA, through our training and consultancy arm Domestic Abuse Experts, we work with organisations at different stages of this journey. Some have never considered domestic abuse in a workplace context before. Others already have policies and want to understand whether they are robust enough. Some train managers or create Domestic Abuse Champions so there are informed people within the organisation who know how to respond.

There is no expectation that every employer becomes an expert. But there should be an expectation that when somebody finds the courage to say, “Something is happening at home and I need help”, the person they tell is not left searching for the policy while trying to work out what to say.

Awareness helps people recognise abuse.

Preparation determines what happens next.

And sometimes, the quality of that first response can make an enormous difference to whether someone feels able to take the next step towards safety.

If your organisation has a domestic abuse policy, a useful question to ask is not simply, “Do we have one?” but, “Would our people know what to do if they needed to use it tomorrow?”

For more information about workplace domestic abuse training and support, visit www.domesticabuseexperts.org.uk