Let’s talk legal... Negotiating Christmas Contact as a Divorced Parent

By Evolve Family Law

Christmas should be all about festive fun, but for divorced or separated parents, the festive season can raise questions about where the children will spend Christmas Day and how to divide holiday time fairly.

At Evolve Family Law, we believe that with careful planning, sensible legal advice, and a child-focused approach, parents can create contact arrangements that allow everyone to enjoy the season.

Start the Christmas conversation early

The biggest mistake separated parents make is leaving Christmas discussions until late November. Agreeing parental contact for a separated parent is a lot harder when festive plans have already been made. That’s why starting parental Xmas contact conversations in early autumn gives both parents space to think clearly and negotiate calmly.

Putting the children first

Christmas should be all about the children, but creating the perfect Xmas for the kids can be hard when family demands compete, and views on what a perfect Christmas looks like differ.

It can be tempting to fall back into arguing about parental rights or what arrangements were agreed to in previous years. However, when focusing on making Christmas enjoyable for the children, it’s good for both parents to consider:

• How can the children spend meaningful time with both sides of the family?

• Will travel disrupt the children’s Xmas day?

• Are the children old enough to express a preference?

Christmas isn’t one day

Parents can find it hard to look at things from their child’s perspective, as most parents aren’t just negotiating with their ex-partner but also with their parents, new partner and their partner’s extended family.

When there are lots of competing demands on the children’s time, it can be helpful to think of Xmas as a season.

Sharing the Xmas season can include:

• Christmas Eve with one parent, Christmas Day with the other

• Alternating Christmas Day and Boxing Day each year

• A first early Christmas or second celebration on another date

• Sharing the day if parents live close by or using FaceTime to share the day if distances won’t allow you to share the day

Consistency or change

Many parents face the Xmas argument that if the children have always woken up in one home on Christmas morning, they need the consistency and tradition. The way your children celebrate Christmas can change as their needs and your circumstances may change.

Clear plans work best

If you can agree on parenting time over Xmas, it’s important to record what’s been agreed and the broad details, such as:

• Pick up and drop off times

• Who is responsible for travel

• Avoiding duplicate gifts

Getting help with Christmas contact

It’s normal to find it hard to negotiate shared Christmas contact because of feelings of loss or nostalgia for past Christmases. If you can’t agree on parenting times, a family lawyer can help you work out a compromise or, as a last resort, help you apply for a child arrangement order.