Domestic abuse doesn’t just stop when the working day starts

By Saskia Lightburn-Ritchie, CEO of MyCWA (Cheshire Without Abuse)

Most of us like to think of work as separate from home. A place where we arrive or log on, do our job, talk to colleagues, make decisions, solve problems and get through the day. But for someone experiencing domestic abuse, the separation between home and work doesn’t often exist.

Domestic abuse follows people. It follows them through their phone, finances, childcare arrangements, confidence, sleep, and very often, through the workplace door. Over the years, I have spoken to many survivors for whom work was one of the only places they still had a little bit of space. Somewhere they could breathe. Somewhere they were seen by other people. Somewhere they could still feel capable and still feel like themselves.

I have also spoken to survivors for whom work became another place of fear. Constant messages. Unexpected visits. Monitoring. Threats about calling their employer. Pressure to leave early. Absences they could not explain. Performance slipping because they had been awake all night, afraid. Exhausted from continuously managing their safety and someone else’s behaviour.

Domestic abuse is often described as something hidden. But in truth, it is usually visible somewhere. We just don’t always know what we are looking at.

A colleague who has become withdrawn. Someone who is suddenly anxious about their phone. A member of staff who is often late, distracted or exhausted. Someone who seems to have lost confidence, who apologises constantly, who no longer joins conversations in the way they used to. None of these things automatically mean domestic abuse is happening. But they may mean that something is wrong.

And sometimes, a manager or colleague can be the first to notice.

That is why understanding domestic abuse matters for everyone.

This does not mean becoming a counsellor. Nor does it mean trying to rescue someone or asking intrusive questions. It means creating the kind of workplace where people are more likely to feel safe than ashamed. Where managers know how to respond if someone discloses abuse. Where colleagues know that concern can be expressed gently. Where policies exist, but so does humanity. Where the first response is not “why didn’t you tell us sooner?” but “I’m glad you’ve told me. What do you need right now?”

For employers, this matters because domestic abuse affects every part of working life. It affects attendance, performance, wellbeing, safety, morale and retention. But more importantly, it affects people. Behind every statistic is someone trying to hold their life together while carrying fear most of their colleagues cannot see.

The good news is that workplaces do not need to have all the answers. They simply need to be ready to respond safely. That starts with understanding that domestic abuse is not only physical violence. It can include coercive control, emotional abuse, financial abuse, stalking, sexual abuse, isolation, threats and intimidation. It can happen to anyone, regardless of job title, income, gender, background or seniority.

It also means understanding that disclosure is difficult. Many people experiencing abuse do not recognise it as abuse straight away. Others do, but feel frightened, embarrassed or worried they will not be believed. Some fear that telling work will make things worse. Some are worried about their job. Some are trying to protect their children. Some are simply surviving one day at a time. So, the way we respond matters.

A good workplace response is calm, compassionate and practical. It might include offering a private conversation, asking what would help, agreeing safe ways to communicate, adjusting working patterns, reviewing workplace safety, signposting to specialist support and keeping information confidential.

It also means knowing what not to do. Do not pressure someone to leave. Do not confront the person causing harm. Do not make promises you cannot keep. Do not turn someone’s private life into workplace gossip. And do not assume that because someone appears composed, the situation is not serious.

At MyCWA, through our training and consultancy arm Domestic Abuse Experts, we work with organisations to build safer and more supportive workplace responses. That includes awareness training, manager guidance, policy development and domestic abuse advocate or champion training. The aim is not to turn workplaces into specialist services. It is to help people recognise the signs, respond with confidence and connect colleagues to the right help.

Small actions really can make a very big difference. A poster in a staff room can tell someone they are not alone. A trained manager can stop a disclosure becoming a missed opportunity. A clear policy can give someone the confidence to ask for support. A colleague saying “I’ve noticed you don’t seem yourself, and I’m here if you ever want to talk” can be the first moment someone feels seen.

We often talk about domestic abuse as a private issue. But the impact is never private. It reaches children, families, friends, communities and workplaces. That means all of us have a part to play.

Understanding domestic abuse in the workplace is not about having perfect words. It is about being willing to notice, willing to listen, willing to believe, and willing to respond with care rather than judgement.

For someone experiencing abuse, that can be life changing. Sometimes, work is not just work. Sometimes, it is the safest place someone has.

For more information about workplace domestic abuse training and support, visit www.domesticabuseexperts.org.uk